Shut That Kid Up: Mom Talk

Recently, I took Liam to his first class. It was a mommy-and-me kinda thing with other music classes. And I have to be honest here, by the time I left, my head was pounding and I was ready to drink.

OK moms, it is time to fess up.

There are two kinds of mothers. Which one are you? Are you the kinda gal who can't stand listening to other children scream while your kid is pretty good? Or are you the kind who pulls your hair out because your kid is screaming?

I realize that Liam is a bit young for me to be so cocky about having a good kid. But the reality is, we have a pretty good son. At least for now. And I didn't realize how good until I took him to a class with other toddlers his age.

To protect the innocent, I won't give details about the crabby appletons I am about to describe.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I could hear the screaming through the rolled-up car windows. One mother was standing in front of her vehicle, staring at her daughter who was in tears. The mom was trying to convince her 22-month-old to come inside. The mom was waiting for the little girl to start walking.

Question #1: Why do parents think it is OK to give kids that young a vote as to what to do?

The mom had two young children. So while the crying girl stood in the entry, the boy was getting a diaper change. For the entire hour, these two switched off as to which would scream and cry. The. Entire. Hour.

Before my head pounded, my heart ached. I wanted to go up to the crying girl, throw my arms around her and tell her she was safe. Clearly, the girl was crying out of fear.

I am not going to set myself up as an expert. I am just a first-time mom like so many others. However, every book I have read says that children thrive on structure. Little ones need guidance and discipline. It makes them feel secure. That was so obvious to me as I stared at this girl with real tears running down her face. Her mom just let her stand there.

During the class, each child took turns doing various group activities. The girl, especially, would not cooperate. She cried. The mom let her stand aside tearful.

To be clear, I don't mean to describe this woman as a bad mom. What I saw in that limited  time was a person overwhelmed, unsure as to what to do. Realizing that I am often overwhelmed and typically appreciate help from others, I asked her if her daughter needed help with an activity. The mom's response was no, definitely not. The girl does not like help.

Question #2: At what point to we step in to help? Was I wrong to offer it? Is it insulting or genuinely helpful?

In my own defense, I do have some credentials when it comes to parenting. First of all, I had my child in my late 30s. Not that I recommend it, but the upside is that I am not as stupid as I was when my age began with a 2. Secondly, I was the block babysitter. I've been around little kids my whole life. Third, my brother was born when I started high school. That's gotta be worth something. And last, I have four godchildren.

So yes, this is my first and only child, but it is definitely not my first rodeo.

In fact, I learned a memorable lesson early on. When my brother, Tim, was about 4, I had to pick him up at his daycare. Our mom usually got him, and he was mighty displeased when I appeared at the door. He was certainly a creature of habit, and I threw a monkey into his whole world.

He cried. I panicked.

Luckily, the daycare superwoman was wise and saw my fear-stricken, teenage expression. She came over to Tim and firmly zipped his coat and put his gloves on his little hands. She told him that this was going to happen. He was going with me, she said, and he had better buck up.

He stopped! He pouted, but he stopped.

My broken heart wanted to there-there him. Yet this woman took the opposite approach. And it worked.

Which brings me to another boy at this toddler class. While all the other kids were seated in a circle on the rug, this little guy was allowed to run around the room.

The problem was that my guy, who was sitting on my lap, then wanted to get up and run too. Just like the wise superwoman, I firmly reminded Liam that that was the time to sit, not run.

Question #3: What are some ways that you have had success with keeping your kid settled while others are bouncing off walls?

I realized that I am the type of mom who gets a headache from other kids' bad behavior.

But I reserve the right to change my answer later if need be.