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Gossip Hurts At Any Age: Mom Talk

How can we teach our kids a life lesson early?

Gossip, like bullying, is a very painful weapon.

As an adult, I’m still getting kicked in the teeth by gossips. As an adult, gossip makes me nauseated. I want to come out swinging, to correct the record. To defend myself.

As an adult, gossip hurts my feelings and still makes me cry sometimes — especially when the nastiness and half-truths come from people who claim they are our friends.

This a lesson to our children that they are not babies just because they get upset by maliciousness. We all get upset at any age. Words can be very hurtful.

There is no wonder why our children suffer so much by hateful words. Kids are still maturing. Their abilities to let things roll off is practically non-existent. How can we teach them to overcome the painful emotions when we, ourselves, continue to struggle with it?

Gossip can be especially potent when it is guised as concern. Half-truths are confusing. Kids have a hard time interpreting reality as it is, let alone when the reality is couched in falsehoods. Heck, we all have a hard time with that.

One of the best lessons we can teach our children is to identify gossip and to not participate in it. If you have questions about what you heard, go straight to the source. Avoid third-party interventions.

We need to teach our children to be direct, to get the story straight. Gossip is repeating third-hand information. It’s wrong. It’s hurtful. It’s damaging.

But that’s just what I heard.

Missing34 April 26, 2012 at 08:14 pm
Seriously? I'm Catholic(and I attend most Sundays, kids in CCD classes etc) and wouldn't attend a seminar given by the Catholic church on the dangers of Child molesting.
Missing34 April 26, 2012 at 08:19 pm
I think he gave you two phrases to google that explain his comments.
Jeanne Hall April 26, 2012 at 08:51 pm
Archbishop J. Peter Sartain (currently of Seattle, formerly of Joliet) wrote a chapter on gossip and its dangers in his book, "Of You My Heart Has Spoken." It gives excellent insight. And one does not have to be Catholic to read & learn from it.
MidwestGal April 26, 2012 at 08:58 pm
No one commented about his comment on the catholic church because it is 100% true. Also, it's not even the point, it's simply an accurate comparison to some of the gossip the Patch posts.
MidwestGal April 26, 2012 at 09:02 pm
Gossip is bullying and I agree with Jane when she posted that a more established neighborhood has less catty gossipers. Bullys and gossipers generally have more life sadness and need to make themselves feel better. It gives them a power that makes them superficially happy. Let them be, God blesses those who are good people.
Tim April 26, 2012 at 09:31 pm
Which is exactly why I gave you two phrases to search in google to read what others have experienced at Patch.
Luckily, Patch can only censor their own site, not the entire internet. http://www.gossipandvice.com/tag/aol/ http://www.framingham.com/patch/
Walt Hines April 26, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Freedom of Speech, Freedom of the Press. If you don't like what you're reading move on! The same goes for having an opinion and being able to express your view. Don't want to post your real name, who cares. You don't agree with someone's religious views it's not the end of the world, life will go on. I have read all these posts and a portion of them are no different than the gossiping everyone has a problem with.
Since when have we become everyone's keeper?
Robyn Vickers April 27, 2012 at 12:53 am
C'mon Jane, your neighbors probably get together and try to guess what your story is. ;) LOL
Jane Enviere April 27, 2012 at 01:19 am
@Robyn -- lol! The funny thing is that at almost a decade in, I probably wouldn't even recognize neighbors who live within 3 or 4 houses of me if I stood next to them at Target. ; ) We walked this neighborhood so many times to get a feel for it, and there was *never* anyone outside. And we moved in the spring/summer, when the weather was great! We can go months without even seeing out next door neighbors. It's a total "keep to yourself" street and we love that. I remember when I had my 2nd baby and we were out about 7 mos later and somebody from down the way asked if we were babysitting because she never knew I was pregnant. lol!
Oddly enough, our kids have just recently noticed that no one is ever really out and they always ask why no one knows when the weather is good. Ha! Their idea is that if there isn't a total thunderstorm, surely you should be outside. ; ) They get that from their dad, not their AC-loving mom!
Marie Markowski April 27, 2012 at 03:24 am
The first link is from a blogger--blogs are no better than any other "gossiper". The 2nd link had nothing to do with "...a site that is notorious for 'less-than-accurate' reporting." that I could see. These certainly can't be considered proof to substantiate your allegations about this situation, at least in my book. So, I'll chalk your posts up to nothing but gossip.
Tim April 27, 2012 at 03:51 am
Marie,
That is why I gave you phrases to search, which you still have not done. You can discount the 2 links I provided you all you want, but they are still a sampling from the phrases I posted for you to search on your own, and of the experiences that others have had with Patch and their 'style' of gossip=news. Frankly, your inability to check a search engine on your own, and instead rely on only 2 links provided to you, is exactly why Patch thinks there is a market for gossip. They seem to be able to count on people just believing what they read, without going off on their own to verify it.
Tim April 27, 2012 at 04:06 am
In fact, there are so many people who can not be bothered to look something up on their own, a site has been created just for you. It is called 'Let me google that for you'.
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=AOL+Patch+Problems
Tina Conley April 27, 2012 at 10:07 am
I think I would be more concerned about living in a neighborhood where neighbors don't know one anothers names or know anything about them and their habits, or that they have children out there playing alone, than about stalking an older neighborhood because they don't gossip..
Kelly April 27, 2012 at 11:27 am
It's the blanket statement about the church that I think offends people like myself. It would be like saying that every high school employs a bunch of molesters simply because of a few sick people, or that all cops are crooked because of a few bad apples. And finally, I think he phrased it as kind of a joke and molestation is NOT a laughing matter.
Missing34 April 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm
The joke was at the expense of the church, not child molestation. The people that laugh at such a joke are probably the ones that are angriest at the Church's reluctance to really do anything about it for many, many years and can see the irony in such a statement. If you find it offensive, that's fine as well, but don't expect others to react the same way you do.
The Church's reluctance was because of the loss of valuable dollars, this site runs on advertising dollars and many articles are presented here to get a response and to promote conversation (GOSSIP) and drive people to this site. See the irony? The Patch is loving this.
Kelly April 27, 2012 at 01:06 pm
I never said I expected others to react the same way I did, I just explained why I made the statement I did. My original point was that I was amused that he made a statement like that after talking about gossip. And it still stands. Gossip is idle talk, and considering the fact that the church and molestation had nothing to do with what Erin wrote about, that's what it was.
Missing34 April 27, 2012 at 01:14 pm
I don't recall Tim ever criticizing or condemning gossip, he just found the irony in the article being written on a "gossipy" news vehicle and compared it to another ironic (albeit sensitive) situation. I am however, glad you found it amusing too.
Missing34 April 27, 2012 at 01:16 pm
I also apologize Jane, it was not you that expected us to be offended, it was the original author of the article.
Kelly April 27, 2012 at 01:21 pm
Once again, I never said he criticized it or condemned it. And my name is Kelly ... I am offended by that. Kidding. :)
Missing34 April 27, 2012 at 01:27 pm
Apologies on the name Kelly, I must have taken my position from this comment:
"considering your post here and what you said about the Catholic Church in a previous post, you should be the last one making claims about gossip. It's really quite amusing to me." No worries, have a great day.
Kelly April 27, 2012 at 01:31 pm
I could see how you might assume that's what I meant, but I didn't. No worries here either!
Marie Markowski April 27, 2012 at 06:03 pm
Tim, I certainly don't, and never have, expected anyone to do anything for me, including on-line searches. I simply missed your phrases in your first post. I'm well aware that all types of media have misinformation, etc. You have a wonderful weekend.
jaskie1505 April 27, 2012 at 06:23 pm
Not sure why, but the Drew Peterson HEARSAY case came to mind while reading some of these comments. Much of what is passed off as gossip is hearsay. So and so said. Hear we label it bullying, etc. In Drew's case it could be life or death. Yet the courts are going ahead and allowing it.
Not saying Drew is innocent or guilty. Just saying that is this the kind of evidence we want our courts to be judging people on in the future.
Vanessa Holloway April 27, 2012 at 09:51 pm
I agree with Missing 34.
Vanessa Holloway April 27, 2012 at 09:59 pm
Whatever Erin. While you may think that Tim's comment about the Catholic Church is offensive, I don't. I'm entitled to my opinion and right now I'm commenting as a reader, not a reporter.
Monica April 28, 2012 at 06:57 pm
@Vanessa, after having read some of your "articles" it is obvious that you are not commenting as a reporter in those either.
Vanessa Holloway April 28, 2012 at 07:28 pm
Monica- I would like to know what articles you are referring too. Yes I had a few that I described experiences (Ex: trip articles, a Whiz Kid article on my own children), but other than that, not sure what your getting at. Please clarify.
Emma M. May 1, 2012 at 08:38 pm
Even if this comment WERE geared to the whole Patch website, you still put it on this article which is extremely offensive to the person who wrote it. This was completely unnecessary and is very offensive. Especially writing that way about a Catholic Church.
Kate A. May 1, 2012 at 08:53 pm
Honestly, I didn't even write this article and I am offended, as a Catholic, this is very offending. I cannot believe you would write something like this on an article intended on stopping gossip and how HURTFUL it is. It is no joking/laughing matter.
Kate A. May 1, 2012 at 08:56 pm
I completely agree. I can't believe some people find this 'amusing'. Especially trying to be funny towards a Catholic Church. Great article. I wish some people could actually appreciate it more.

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